Hope
by AndAllThatMishigas
Summary: Pre-series. Nick and Jen are undercover and run into someone from Nick's past, causing Jen to realize some things.


**Hope**

On a calm Monday afternoon, Trish and Wesley Claybourne were at the shops, trying to decide what to cook for dinner. Just like any happily married couple. And in a surprising and blessed relief, Jennifer Mapplethorpe and Nick Buchanan were at the shops as Trish and Wesley not on an undercover surveillance assignment but genuinely just trying to decide what to make for dinner. They may not have actually been a happily married couple, but they were hungry.

A shrill laugh sounded at the end of the aisle where Jen and Nick were having a disagreement over whether to buy penne or rigatoni. Nick immediately stiffened and turned to the source of the noise with wide eyes. There was a woman there. Tall and thin and blonde and tan and stunningly beautiful. "Nicky!" she shrieked, running over to them.

Nick was clearly taken off guard. "What are you doing here?" he asked in surprise, keeping his voice low and hoping the woman would take the hint and be a bit less obvious.

"I'm in the city for a bit. I was going to come see you, but there wasn't any answer at your number. That's not very nice, Nicky," she pouted.

"I'm working," he replied quietly.

"Oh right now?"

He rolled his eyes. "Yes, I'm undercover, so shut up," he hissed.

She giggled and put her hand on his arm. "I'm sorry!"

Jen watched this scene in utter confusion. This beautiful woman touching 'Nicky' was causing Jennifer to feel a tight knot in her stomach that wasn't entirely based on the fear of their cover being blown.

Nick sighed and turned to her. "Sorry, Trish, this is Hope. Hope, this is Trish Claybourne," he introduced.

Hope held her hand out and shook Jen's rather weakly. "Hi, Hope Buchanan."

At the last name, Jen's eyes went wide. Nick quickly explained, "My youngest sister."

"Youngest?"

"We've got two others between me and Nick. He's the oldest. By quite a lot, actually. Nick, Kimberly, Danielle, and me," Hope informed her.

"Oh, I see," Jen replied weakly, unsure of what else to say.

"Hope, I can't be seen with you. I'll call when I get back home, alright? Tell Mum I'm fine," Nick instructed his sister.

"Alright, I won't bother you anymore." She leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek. "Enjoy your penne!"

Nick looked into the shopping basket and saw that Jen had taken his distraction as an opportunity to grab a box of penne and remove Nick's chosen box of rigatoni. He sighed in resignation and glared slightly at Jen as she smirked in triumph. "Come on, let's get back home. We need to talk."

As soon as they arrived back at the Claybourne house, Nick put their shopping bags in the kitchen and hurried Jen into the bedroom. He turned the radio on as loud as it would go and went into the bathroom to run the shower. He pulled Jen into the corner where the cameras were less likely to see them clearly.

"Jen, I'm so sorry," he murmured, his eyes filled with worry and regret.

"What are you sorry for?" she asked. "You didn't know your sister would accost you in a supermarket."

"I know, but that wasn't fair to you. And I hope you didn't mind me introducing you as Trish. I felt like that would be safer. I don't think our cover got blown, but just in case anyone was around, it's only me who might be in trouble."

Jen could see he was beating himself up over this. She reached up and placed her hand on the back of his neck. "These things happen, alright? No harm. Abdul and the boys will make sure there's no fallout, I'm sure, but I think we're fine. No worries, eh?" she said with a supportive grin.

He smiled as his eyes locked with hers. The anxious knot in Jen's stomach returned. She quickly took her hand off him. The way he looked at her was always somewhat intense, but sometimes, like now, it was…different.

Jennifer cleared her throat awkwardly. "So, you have three sisters? I had no idea."

Nick shrugged. "Yeah, three younger sisters. My dad died when Hope was still a baby, so I sort of raised them with Mum. I'm twelve years older than Hope, ten years older than Danielle, and nine older than Kimmy."

Jen just nodded with a slightly strained smile. "Good to know. We should probably…" she gestured to the door.

"Right." Nick realized they'd spent far too much time having this little private conversation. And they weren't supposed to be sharing personal information.

"I might as well use the shower."

"Right," he repeated. "I'll start on dinner." He vacated the bathroom to give Jen her privacy.

Jen got undressed and stepped under the steaming water. Nothing like a hot shower to help her organize her thoughts. She stood there, staring at the wall, willing the anxious knot in her stomach to dissipate.

Nick had sisters. Jen didn't. But he'd grown up without a father. So had she. She so desperately wanted to share that with him, to have a moment between them as Nick and Jen, having this one, important fact in common.

Why on earth did she have this gnawing need to connect with him? They were undercover! They had studied for weeks to prepare for this assignment. They were Trish and Wesley Claybourne and no one else. Everything else was supposed to go away. They had a job to do!

And yet when Hope had run up to Nick, so excited to see him, and touching his arm and kissing his cheek and calling him Nicky, Jen had gotten irrationally and unreasonably angry. Jealous. The idea that this woman could be close to him. The idea that any woman could be so close to him when Jennifer could not. And when she discovered that Hope was his sister, the jealousy had shifted. Jealousy not for the intimacy of soft touch, but jealousy for the intimacy of knowing him. His sister knew everything about him, surely. Jennifer hadn't even known that he had a sister, let alone three of them.

Jen did something she hadn't done in a long time. She sat down in the shower, allowing the water to pour over her hair, dripping onto her face to nearly drown her.

This couldn't happen. Jen hadn't allowed herself to even think about it before now, but she'd recognized the jealousy for what it was. And she couldn't deny it anymore. She wanted Nick. Not just his body—which was incredible and perfect and enough to make her want him that way without anything else—but everything about him. She wanted to know him, every part of him. And she wanted him to know her. To share things like growing up without fathers or perhaps they both liked the same movies or maybe they had the same favorite Indian restaurant in Melbourne. Anything. Everything. Every moment she wasn't actively focused on the undercover task at hand, Jen found herself aching with want for this man.

No one knew how much longer they'd be undercover, living in this SIS surveillance prison. No one knew when they'd be free to go back to their lives and be Nick and Jen and finally get to know everything about each other. And so, Jen sat in the shower, hoping the water might wash away her desperate desire for the man she couldn't have. Maybe one day, but certainly not today.

But suddenly, Jen smiled to herself. This realization was a horrible pain, but it had all come because of Hope. And Jennifer genuinely hoping she would get to see her again one day and tell Hope her real name.


End file.
